Thursday, September 08, 2005
Getting back to blogging
It has been surprisingly hard to write anything here this week. I have been telling myself this is because I have been busy- and I have, as like all the other ESRC attendees last weekend I have struggled to catch up with email and post and all the routine work things. I am now blogging and working normally for the first time, having set up the Bearpit in the summer when although I was at work it was very quiet, whereas now I am back to normal with a list of things to do that is too long to find time to write down. But I think there has been more to it than that as I could have found a nook or cranny to post in.
Last weekend the blogosphere and meatspace came together in a very strange way and although I really enjoyed the whole thing and had to think very hard about ideas I find interesting, it was a bit strange being in the same room with the people who read my blog and whose blogs I read. It has made me a bit self-conscious about what I post. I have caught myself spotting interesting stories in the news and tucking them away in my mind to write about but kind of knowing at the same time I was not going to. I think seeing everyone and hearing them all saying such thoughtful things was quite scary really.
I think I am also feeling a similar anxiety about getting back to my own research. I have two writing days this week, that I kept clear on purpose, one for today to finish a paper about future developments at the college (kind of demanding but I knew what was needed) and one tomorrow to be for revising a paper and writing to Rebekah about the seminar series and stuff. I have spent all day on the work one and it isn't done, so a bit of tomorrow will go, and I think a bit of me has gone slow on purpose to avoid that getting back in the big pool with the real swimmers. Sooner or later someone will notice I have one foot on the bottom all the time..
It has been surprisingly hard to write anything here this week. I have been telling myself this is because I have been busy- and I have, as like all the other ESRC attendees last weekend I have struggled to catch up with email and post and all the routine work things. I am now blogging and working normally for the first time, having set up the Bearpit in the summer when although I was at work it was very quiet, whereas now I am back to normal with a list of things to do that is too long to find time to write down. But I think there has been more to it than that as I could have found a nook or cranny to post in.
Last weekend the blogosphere and meatspace came together in a very strange way and although I really enjoyed the whole thing and had to think very hard about ideas I find interesting, it was a bit strange being in the same room with the people who read my blog and whose blogs I read. It has made me a bit self-conscious about what I post. I have caught myself spotting interesting stories in the news and tucking them away in my mind to write about but kind of knowing at the same time I was not going to. I think seeing everyone and hearing them all saying such thoughtful things was quite scary really.
I think I am also feeling a similar anxiety about getting back to my own research. I have two writing days this week, that I kept clear on purpose, one for today to finish a paper about future developments at the college (kind of demanding but I knew what was needed) and one tomorrow to be for revising a paper and writing to Rebekah about the seminar series and stuff. I have spent all day on the work one and it isn't done, so a bit of tomorrow will go, and I think a bit of me has gone slow on purpose to avoid that getting back in the big pool with the real swimmers. Sooner or later someone will notice I have one foot on the bottom all the time..
# posted by Mary Plain @ 8:12 pm 
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I am glad that you are posting again Mary Plain. I am also relieved to hear your feelings - because I have felt the same too this week - perhaps due to the ambiguity of the topic that we were talking about (or listening to in may case). Thinking about it, the ESRC seminar was really extraordinary - and amazing... all those different people with varying experiences and perspectives trying to establish shared and melded understandings about topics as multifaceted and open to interpretation as play, and as rapidly evolving as digital cultures.
Wow - that is the most profound I have been for ages. I wish I could have said something more like that on Saturday - and less like "that was well to the jay bad".
Anyway, your post has helped me to mediate my experience further. So thank you.
Wow - that is the most profound I have been for ages. I wish I could have said something more like that on Saturday - and less like "that was well to the jay bad".
Anyway, your post has helped me to mediate my experience further. So thank you.
MaryPlain and Simply Clare I am always feeling like this too. That thing about keeping your foot on the bottom while everyone is swimming is so clever. If we looked down they would all have a foot on the bottom. Or conversely that we are all swimming. Or all doing a bit of both. Anyway we all have that feeling I think.
I think it is really hard to write and when we set ourselves those slots of time with deadlines we always forget to leave the space for 'getting into it'.
I reckon the only thing to do is to begin by reading and then to write after an hour of that.
Good luck tomorrow you two.
I think it is really hard to write and when we set ourselves those slots of time with deadlines we always forget to leave the space for 'getting into it'.
I reckon the only thing to do is to begin by reading and then to write after an hour of that.
Good luck tomorrow you two.
it is so good to hear that you feel this way too! and Dr Joolz you are so right about the time to get into something. I so often have to hit the keyboards without any time to think and then I write crap. So tomorrow I will try and remember this bostin well to the jay bad advice and not jump in until I am sure my armbands are well and truly inflated. And Simply Clare, at least you did not get well to the jay bad wrong like I did!
I have to try very hard to keep my bottom off the bottom when I go swimming.
By the way, there is a fabulous word verification code here today: aahkz. I love these new words.
By the way, there is a fabulous word verification code here today: aahkz. I love these new words.
Where's the pool? I'm still looking for the map. And when I get there will I have remembered my trunks (or was that an anxiety dream I had when I was 14?) This thread is so interesting about the process of writing...about being an academic...about confidence and security it would make a brilliant seminar series. (SC: mine's hrqvldt!)
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